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Thursday, July 24, 2008,3:10:00 PM

hey, i'm back!

erm.. colema is not comfortable but a lot of shit came out (yeap, real shit)... real smelly and black shit also... still not thoroughly cleaned :(
so i'm still on a fast for 3 more days.

feels good to be home.

going to start a 6-day yoga course from this Saturday onwards :) time to bend bend bend bend....

treatment-wise: decided to go Natural. bye bye chemotherapy.

plan to go back Singapore: not in the near future.

update more in a few days. used up my time in front of this source of radiation. going to start writing with a pen in a book soon. going traditional.haha. should use pencil then :)


5 comments

Tuesday, July 15, 2008,1:31:00 PM

That day I finally graduated

Wanted to post up more pictures but the internet connection is not too stable. But let me tell you about it. Friday 11th July 2008 was a mad day.
In the morning, my mom and I went to have breakfast at Clementi while waiting for my dad to arrive. Then we rushed back to Suming's place where I stayed over for the night to change and then to University Cultural Center (UCC) we went to attend JE's commencement. We took a few photos, and then rushed back to Sm's to iron my shirt, pants and grad gown! My mom did the ironing while I rested for a while. My sister arrived shortly before 1pm with her roommate and quickly changed into Sm's clothes as hers was not formal enough to enter the hall. Then we rushed off to school canteen to grab a quick lunch and walked to UCC. Once there, I quickly went into the Robing Room to put on the grad gown, checked in the extra stuff and realised I forgot to take my Attendance Card. Luckily, got it before my sister entered the hall.
Met up with Zhenghui who came to get something from Thunder and he got us both presents! :) Only had time to take a photo and we had to queue to enter the hall already.
In the hall, we were seated alphabetically according to the honours class conferred. So, I was sitting beside CM and we just talked and took photos =P
Weiying was interviewed "live" and appeared on the big screen! Then the lecturers and deans came in in their Harry Potter-like appearance. Next was the national anthem, speech by a Pharmacy alumnus who graduated in 1973. He talked a lot about marriage -_-"
The presentation of scroll was next, starting with the Doctor of Philosophy, Master of Science and Bachelor degree. Pharmacy class was in the same session as some of the Life Sciences cohort. Thus, it was a rather long session.
When it was my turn, I got rather nervous before going up the stage as I realised the heel of my shoes was coming off. I was scared that the heel will drop off on the stage (imagine the embarassment). Luckily it didn't.
When my name was called, loud applause was heard from the audience. As I received my scroll and turned to look at the camera, I saw that my coursemates were all standing and clapping! It was a standing ovation for me! I was so so so touched. The person who gave me the scroll said to me, "you have a lot of supporters ah." I turned a little towards the crowd and bowed as I walked down the stage, to thank them. Tears welled in my eyes. If not for CM telling me not to cry on such a joyous day, I would have cried there and then already.
Thank you Pharmacy Class of 2008!
After the ceremony, we rushed to the concourse area to take class photos. Then we took photos with our lecturers and friends. (all not in my camera cause my camera was with my sister). Did not have much time to talk to everybody cause everyone was busy taking photos with everyone!
Then, I went out to the lobby area to take photos with those who came. Thank you so much Sm for the fluffy heart, thanks to sis for the sunflower, thanks to King Liang and Luyin for the roses, thanks to Weisheng for so many presents, thanks to Yujen for being our maid, thanks to JE for still wearing his grad robe (lol). Thanks :)
I left kinda early cause my dad needed to rush to JB to take bus home. -_-"
My family and I.
My "family" in Singapore (absentees: CC who was busy with his gf *ahem* and Suwan who was working)
I WAS HERE :)
Going to stay in the Naturopathy Dr's clinic for another week starting tonight. Will be there to re-attend the AOL Basic Course and also to receive a treatment called Colema. Basically, cleansing of the colon plus some other stuffs.
p/s: send me photos thru You-Send-It ? or to my hwachin@gmail.com . Thanks yo :)




5 comments

Sunday, July 13, 2008,4:26:00 PM

Commencement 2008

Here are some pix I stole from Facebook and downloaded from the class album... Mine still in friend's camera, waiting for her to transfer for me :)
Pharmacy Class 2008! With our lecturers :) *spot me*

throwing our mortarboards.. erm.. if you found me, you would have noticed i didn't throw mine but held on to it. cause mine is rented, didn't want to lose it you see. HaHa... and to protect my head =P

WaH! See the one holding the certificate file instead of mortarboard? That's the embarassing me.. but smart cause the mortarboard is SO dangerous! It hit my friend and her face BLED!


Sookie Lee and Me :)


Me and Swei! (stolen from her blog)



Pei Yong, Wei Ying and I!

Will talk more about commencement and my birthday celebration when I get the pix :)




2 comments

Tuesday, July 08, 2008,11:19:00 AM

Happy Birthday To Me :)

This is Bear 1.... Sometimes he is bear-y lonely because I keep him in a bear box so that he won't get dirty... He had been lonely for more than a month...

Finally, yesterday night Bear 1 got a friend.


This is Bear 2... a girl bear...


Now, they are bear-y happy together... (although they are still kept in their own separate boxes to avoid turning into grey dusty bears =P)

Thank you Stef, YW and SN... Went out with these 3 sec school friends yesterday night... and saw YW's baby girl too.. so cute :)

Today is my birthday.

Nothing much happening. No cake cause I can't take them and the day goes on as usual just that I am 24 today :)

Happy Birthday To Me!

Flying back to Singapore tomorrow night. Bye


3 comments

Sunday, July 06, 2008,3:31:00 PM

Hi

I am fine and almost physically well if not for the lymph node (i think) at the side of my neck that is a little swollen (i think) and that's not the most comfortable feeling. I am not seeing a Dr for it cause what Dr will do is press press, ask some questions, tell you his solution which may be fine needle aspiration (involves poking a really fine needle into the lymph node to scrap out some cells to see whether they are TB/cancerous etc. It's not a painful process but it's not the most comfortable process also especially when the Dr tries to joke with you while poking you -_-") or worse, operate and take out a node to check it. Or give me antibiotics again? None of the solutions sound too appealing to me. I'm waiting for Nature to work its course (sounds like lying to myself hor, I know) and hope the swell will subside. If not, I will see the NUH oncologist on Thursday morning anyway.

Last last week, we had a small celebration for small sis's birthday.. Since I can't take cakes (cause got eggs) and my parents don't eat cake, I bought a piece of cake for her only.. but arranged Smarties on it.. wanted to arrange in the shape of her name but the Smarties too big and the cake too small -_-"
Then the following weekend, we made sushi and salad! :)
I love sushi even though my sushi only had carrots, cucumbers or corn in it :)
Packed just like in Taiwanese/Japanese drama...This one's for my mom's friend... :)
Yesterday, we cooked spaghetti :)

Early this morning, the 4 of us went to Batu Feringghi for my sand therapy....
Nice, empty beach....
My sand therapy is for detoxification purpose and it involves burying our body in the sand for 20 minutes, then wash off with the sea water. It was a new experience and a rather pleasant one; lying in the cooling sand and looking at the blue sky with the nice breeze.. :)

My feet and my sis's feet...

Back in Singapore on Wednesday night. See you, people in Singapore.





1 comments

Wednesday, June 18, 2008,3:42:00 PM

The Natural Way

Ok.. I wanted to post some pictures from the Advanced Art of Living (AOL) course I went to last week but the Streamyx internet connection is not helping :(
Anyway, the golf resort and country club we stayed in for the 4 days of the course was very nice... with great views of the golf course and nice rooms... Food was nice too. Although all were vegetarian food, they offered a great selection of food for EVERY meal. I especially liked the breakfast. HeHe :)
How about the course?
6AM-10PM everyday...... We had yoga, breathing exercises, meditations, doing volunteer work, singing sessions and knowledge sessions. On the first day, we had discussions where we were grouped and regrouped in small groups to talk about the different topics given by the teacher. (by the way, the teacher came all the way from Taiwan to conduct the course and there were over 100 participants from Pg, Kedah, KL and even 2 from Singapore).
Starting from the 2nd day till before lunchtime on the last day, we went into Silent Mode. Total silence where we were not even suppose to look at people we know and smile cause that's a form of communication by itself. We were supposed to be with ourselves only. To know ourselves better. It was rather difficult even for me who don't really talk to strangers.
Anyway, I would recommend the course to friends and family. Attend the basic course then the advanced course. Letting go of the bad and taking in the good. The meditations were tough for me cause I couldn't sit totally still for such a long time. However, after each session, the body felt rejuvenated and the mind stable, peaceful. Looking back, the 4 days were rather torturous but at the same time rejuvenating. If given a chance, I would want to repeat the course cause I felt I only gave about 90% and not 100% of myself into it. The more focused you are, the better result you'll get from the course. Some people had gone for the advanced course 9 times and will attend more!
I cried everyday during the course. Not because I missed home. I'm not the only one. People released their innermost emotions during the meditations. There was this special kind of meditation that was so torturous, people were screaming, crying or laughing to help them through it. But for some people the process was so easy it scared them. Different people had different experiences. Because we are all different. Thus, on the last day we sat in groups of 10 people to share our experiences and the braver ones went on stage to share. There was this man who went on stage and said if we saw his back, we would not accept him. But not knowing that, he looked just like a normal uncle who sang and beat the drums so passionately during our singing sessions. He was a heroine addict and he found back himself through the course and interaction with the people in AOL. There were also many cancer patients and survivors (breast, colon, liver etc.). And there many other different kinds of people, healthy or sick, happy or sad, having the worst period of their lives or having the time of their lives. It was heartening to just be there and in the presence of all these people with the same aim of discovering their true self and live in happiness.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Went to see the Naturopathy Dr I saw in Dec when I first discovered about my disease. Her husband, who is also one of the teachers of the AOL Part I course was there too and he managed to convince my dad to have full confidence in Naturopathy. The teacher himself was a survivor of liver cancer. A very very nice teacher with a constant smile on his face.
Anyway, I am following the natural way now. Gone full time vegetarian, taking fruit+vege juice, alkaline water and goat's milk. Practising yoga (I still suck at it cause my body is absolutely not bendable -_-") and breathing exercises every morning. This Saturday afternoon, I am going to stay over at the Naturopathy Dr's clinic for a week to learn how to take care of myself. And also will be following the AOL teacher to his Part I course in Penang island. There will be another girl coming to stay over from KL and she's diagnosed with brain cancer. The teacher said I can help her. I hope :)

My small sis said I'm like a backpacker. 2 days after first coming back from Singapore, I was packed to Lam Wah Ee Hospital for 9 days... then 1 day after discharge, I attended the 6-days Part I course (didn't stay over but spent almost all my time there), then immediately flew to Sg on the last day of the course. In Sg for 3-4 days then back in Butterworth for 3 days before attending a 2-days-2-nights prayer at the temple (didn't stay over also although most of the participants stayed over in the temple..). Rested at home for 3 days before packing off to Sungai Petani for 4 days... And now, being back at home for 5 days and will pack for a week away from home again... -_-"

And teacher said minimise handphone, television and computer... So, if you don't see me online, email me la... :)

Bye


5 comments

Wednesday, June 11, 2008,4:48:00 PM

The other life

Staying in the hospital for 9 days made me realised how noble nurses are. Since I have nothing to do in the hospital other than lying there waiting to be injected with antibiotics and reading newspapers, I watched the nurses took care of the old aunty in my 4-person shared room. The nurses work 12 hours/day in 2 shifts (7AM-7PM/7PM-7AM) and we complain about working from 8.30AM-5.30PM (or a bit more). Anyway, the nurses were great except when they inject me :( The Dr in charge of me not that nice though. On the 2nd/3rd day I was in the hospital, I had severe diarrhea with terrible stomach cramp at about 5.30AM. The nurses called the Dr and he only came in at 10.30AM! I was in such pain, I couldn't sit, lie down or stand. All I could do was squat beside my bed clutching my stomach and stopping myself from fainting after what seemed like 20times of running to the toilet. The Dr I see in Sg responds to my SMS almost immediately unless when he's out of the country and provides solutions everytime (which explains why I'm still going back to Sg for consultations although not anymore after this last round). The whole experience actually made me so scared of syringes!
Got discharged on Tuesday and on Wednesday night, I started a 6-day beginners' spiritual course conducted by people from the Art of Living Foundation. In the 4 nights and 2 full-day course, we learned some yoga, principles of life, breathing techniques and had some interaction games. It was an overall a good experience as it taught us to relax and re-construct our views on life. I didn't finished the last part of the course as I had to catch the plane to Singapore on Sunday afternoon.

Then, I was in Singapore WITHOUT my laptop for 3 days 3 nights (misery cause got nothing else to do there). I had to use the computer in the Science library to check emails and book my return flight to Penang -_-". Had CT scan and blood tests done on Monday and then went back to my old place in Clementi to take the remaining stuffs (but STILL left a few stuffs there!sigh...). Saw Dr on Tuesday. No good news anymore. The tumors seemed to be resistant to the chemotherapy and had not reduce in size at all. There was even hint of the tumors progressing but my Dr said he would take the result as "stable". He then laid out the options for me.


1. Continue with chemotherapy but with a different regimen which will still give me bad side effects but may be different ones. He wrote down 3 regimen options, each with equal response rates but different side effect profiles. However, the response rate expected will not be as high as before (which was 50-60%). This time, it is only about 20%. If I were to proceed, I need to have blood transfusion because my red blood cells were very low (which explains my constant tiredness)

2. Take a 1-month chemo break and then do blood test again before proceeding with the new chemotherapy regimen. By doing this, I will not need the blood transfusion but instead let my body regenerate the red blood cells. This option also allows me to take a break from the terrible side effects of chemo. However, there is a risk that my liver functions will deteriorate in this period and thus resulting in not being able to administer the new chemo even if I want to.


Before he continued further, the Dr asked whether there is a possibility that I will ever consider chemo again. If I insist NEVER ever to have chemo again, then there is no point in going back to get my blood tests done. He went on to describe the situation of never doing chemo ever again as "the knife is already here (motioning with his hand the action of hand as knife behind the neck), it's coming down any moment, we don't know when but we are just waiting for it to come down" Scary description? You bet!

I said I don't know whether I would consider chemo again but I might. And that he said is "giving ourselves a chance". As he went on and on about this and that, tears started welling in my eyes. I was really scared at that moment. Things had gone worse :(

Anyway, not elaborating further, I decided to take the 1-month chemo break (which the Dr said isn't his favourite thing but that's life) and will be back for consultation on 10th July. I am 110% not ready for any chemo at that moment. I am terrified.


After letting out some fear in me through tears, I was actually strong enough to go back to NUS Science library to book my flight back home and then made my way to Vivocity to watch a movie. Met up with Thundercat at Vivocity Pacific Coffee to chat and "celebrate" her birthday with a piece of Tiramisu.HeHe... Then, we watched Accuracy of Death (or Sweet Rain: Shinigami no Seido) starring Takeshi Kaneshiro as Grim Reaper (or Shinigami) who decides whether someone should die after spending a few days with that person. It's a really nice movie and funny too. If you love Takeshi Kaneshiro, all the better :) (I'm not a big fan of him but I like Japanese movie and this movie had not been scheduled to be shown in Malaysia yet. So, I had to catch it while it's still showing in Sg).
Left Sg on Wednesday and in this one whole week since I'm back from Sg, I had been exercising in the morning, breakfast with parents, make and drink vegefruit juice, sleep, watch tv,eat, read, sleep. Basically a different life from what I had lived all these while. Good or bad? Sometimes good, sometimes bad...
That's life
Will be going for a 4-day advanced course (a continuation from the beginners' Art of Living course) in Cinta Sayang Resort, Sungai Petani. Back on Sunday :)


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